The techniques I use are really quite simple, common sense sometimes and other times just approaching things from a different perspective.  For example, if my toddler asks me for a cookie and it is an inappropriate time for a cookie, rather than simply saying no I approach the subject in the following way.  I assure my child that I heard their request and that I would love to comply, but in order to allow them to have the cookie they would have to do something in return.  For instance, if it is close to dinnertime I would let them know that they could have the cookie if they eat 5 pieces of broccoli.  If they are asking for the cookie at bedtime then I would let them know that they could definitely have one in the morning after they completed a task of my choosing.  I choose to pick my battles, having a cookie is not a big deal; saying no entirely to the request could become a very big deal.  So instead of saying no, I change the situations to work towards my advantage.  If I need them to do something, allowing them to have something they’ve asked for anyway can be a great way to bargain. 

I’m sure you are saying to yourself, “that would never work in my house.”  You may be right, but this could be for a couple of reasons; your requests are new to them and at first defiance is going to be their initial response.  Also if they are used to getting their way or being told no there is a trust that must first be gained.  Once your children understand that you will follow through with your agreement with them and that you are the authority figure and you aren’t going to give in, future results using this technique will improve.  But that being said, I realize that all children are different and some techniques simply aren’t going to work for them.  All you can do is try; changing your own techniques and how you talk to toddlers is a much better choice then simply putting up with unwanted tantrums.

If you’d like to avoid tantrums completely, change how you approach situations.  If you are going to request something, like getting dressed, be sure to have a pleasant tone of voice and form your request in a way that your child will feel like they are helping you out if they comply.  Also, give them a choice, instead of just saying “go get dressed” ask them which pants they’d like to wear that day, pink or blue?  Giving a toddler two options to something will almost always result in them picking one and jumping right into the task at hand without feeling like they are doing a “chore”.

My final advice is to always come down to their level if a tantrum is about to start.  By looking them straight in the eyes and showing them understanding and compassion, they are much more likely to respond in a positive way.  Learning how to talk to toddlers in this fashion can be the difference between a huge temper tantrum and no tantrum at all.

So how can you remain calm and stop the temper tantrum?  Every child is different and how they react in any given situation isn’t going to be predictable, but the tips below are ways that have helped many others get through the difficult toddler years. 

The first step in controlling temper tantrums is to distract your child from the event causing the negative feelings.  Distraction is a wonderful tool to use on children, it is often very easy to get their minds on other things and prevent a tantrum altogether.  Try it the next time you see your toddler’s emotions start to turn.  

If the tantrum has already escalated, and it is too late for distraction, the next step is to remove your child from their current surroundings.  You do this for two reasons; the first is to get your child to a safe place where the tantrum can run its course where they won’t be able to hurt themselves or others.  The second reason is to hopefully shorten the length of the tantrum; sometimes without an audience your child’s tantrum will come to an end much faster.  Your lack of reaction to the tantrum will also speed up the process; children are attention getters, if they aren’t receiving attention for throwing a tantrum there won’t be much reason for having one.  Controlling temper tantrums is possible by being patient and calm; it isn’t always easy to stay this way during the tantrums, but in the end it is the best thing you can do.

Tantrums can be very frustrating, sometimes scary and almost always embarrassing if you are in a public place.  Just remember to stay calm when a tantrum begins and don’t let the tantrum dictate the choices that you make.  If your child is throwing a fit because you won’t buy them a toy they’ve just seen, don’t just give in and buy the toy to avoid a tantrum.  It is important to stand your ground, show your child that you are the authority figure and that you will not be influenced by their tantrum.  Yes, you may have to endure a tantrum, but in the long run if your child knows that they will not be getting what they want, future tantrums are less likely. 

In conclusion, often the best way of controlling temper tantrums is to distract your child and see if the tantrum can be avoided or at least lessened in severity.  Stay calm and keep your own emotions in check, get your child to a safe place to hopefully shorten the tantrum’s length and keep your child safe. Also, stay strong, and don’t give into their demands, this will only increase the frequency of the tantrums as they will know how to make you do what they want.

Distraction is probably the most important tool you can use in order to prevent temper tantrums. Children have very short attention spans and although the world may be coming to an end one moment because they have lost a toy or get frustrated trying to do something, the next moment could be entirely different. By using distraction to draw your child’s attention away from whatever is causing them to get upset, the tantrum could potentially be interrupted indefinitely. You can reduce parenting stress significantly by using this technique. Imagine having your day go from 10 temper tantrums to only 1, how amazing would that be?

Keeping a schedule is also a great way to keep the temper tantrum monster away. Children need structure, they thrive on it. You may not understand their need to know what is going on each moment of the day, but believe me they feel so much more secure in their surroundings when they know what to expect.

Don’t allow boredom to be the cause of a tantrum. Have fun activities planned for the day to keep your children occupied, this will reduce parenting stress and keep your children happy and well adjusted. They learn a lot of new skills each and every day; fun crafts or puzzles challenge them and help build their minds and prepare them for when they begin school.

Offering alternatives to toddlers is also a great way to avoid tantrums. When they feel like they have a choice in what they wear or what they eat, they are much more likely to do the things you ask of them.

These are great ways to reduce parenting stress. Simply eliminating temper tantrums from the parent toddler equation can bring a lot of peace and joy to your relationship. Temper tantrums are not fun; they can be scary, frustrating and embarrassing. By using the techniques above you can drastically decrease their frequency and intensity and enjoy the toddler years that much more.